I didn’t recognize the face looking back at me in the mirror. I had no idea who she was anymore, but I knew that I didn’t like what I saw. I was 31 years old and a mother of two small children. Everything about me was wrong, I was too fat, too exhausted, couldn’t keep the house clean and just about managed to wash my face on a good day.

I was not good enough. I was not measuring up.

The self-loathing was paralysing. Self-comparison never worked in my favour, everyone else around me was doing so much better, motherhood seemed to come easily to them. Those other women made it look effortless. I would watch them running around the park with their babies, with the glow of motherhood that I had read about but didn’t see in my face. I could only just about manage a short walk if I timed it right with naptimes.

Self-care was the last thing on my list. I was the last thing on my list.

Thoughts like “you don’t matter,” and “just look after the children, get on with it” and “this is just the way it is” ran through my head. Round and round they went on a loop. It was exhausting and I was already exhausted. I was unrecognisable compared to the vibrant person I had been before having my children. The transformation was frightening.

Saving myself from self-loathing.

After many years of feeling this way, it occurred to me that no one was coming to save me. I was the only person who could change the way I felt. I knew there had to be more to motherhood and my life, this couldn’t be it!

Self Loathing

Just think for a moment what if you were on top of your list? What would it be like to give yourself unconditional love and stop comparing yourself to others? What would it feel like to be real, to be you?

My journey began when I started to look outside of motherhood for something fulfilling. As much as I love being a mum I knew that the day-to-day monotony was not for me. My soul needed to be nourished so that I could feel good again.

And so began my body confidence journey. I had to learn to love my body once again. I surrounded myself with people who supported me and mentored me in a way that I had been unable to support myself. I worked with a coach to reframe my relationship with my body. After a lot of soul searching, many books read, and with a changed mindset I started to see things differently. I started to see the real me again. I started to like what I saw in the mirror again.

Transforming with gratitude

Loving yourself can be challenging for many of us because we have never been taught how to love ourselves or put ourselves at the top of the list.

Most of us are very good at looking after someone else’s needs or wants, but what happens when you burn out and are running on empty?

You become the one that needs looking after. That’s why loving yourself is the most caring thing you can do for other people. That’s why in the safety announcement on flights they advise you to put on your oxygen mask first before helping your children. Without putting the essential supports in place to look after your needs you can’t possibly help anyone else.

To make any positive long-lasting change in our life it has to come from a place of love. Love and acceptance of our body exactly as it is now.

Our body is our physical home in this lifetime. It is how we experience life, everything we feel, say, do and believe is felt in our bodies.

Loving yourself starts with just that. SELF LOVE. Because it is very hard to change something you hate. When we love ourselves everything in our life changes.

One of the best ways to start your self-love journey is with gratitude.

Gratitude transforms and reshapes your relationship with your body.

It’s a powerful word.

When said genuinely it has the power to transform your state of being. We know through science that our emotions have a profound effect on our bodies. Prolonged sadness can lead to depression which in turn may deplete the immune system.

Recent studies have linked gratefulness with increased feelings of satisfaction, motivation, energy and a feeling of being more engaged with life. When you are consistently grateful you will be more self-motivated and have stronger feelings of purpose and self-acceptance.

Just imagine what could be possible if you decided to thank your body instead of judging it?

You could simply start by saying:

Thank you dear body for getting me out of bed this morning.

Thank you for seeing the beautiful sunrise.

Thank you for breathing.

Thank you for walking.

Thank you for all the endless things you do for me day after day moment by moment.

Once I started practising gratitude I felt alive and felt worthy of self-care.

As mums, we have to lead by example and show our children how to love themselves. If we are not doing this ourselves then we cannot show them. I’ve forgiven myself for the self-dialogue that I used to have. But I’m not sure how easily I would forgive someone if they told my children that they “don’t matter” or should put everyone else’s needs ahead of their own.

So I urge you to start putting yourself on top of the list, you deserve to be looked after and you must make the conscious decision to do it for yourself. Unfortunately, no knight on a white horse is coming but you can absolutely rescue yourself!

If you would like to start your journey to self-love then get in touch.